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[Apr. 25th, 2010|11:07 pm] |
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I've just been on the hunt.. the search..the expedition to find my wife. People always tell me, "You can't look for her you got to wait until she finds you." Easier said then done? The problem is I just can't wait. I can't. Sometimes when I'm in a relationship, all I want to do is get out of it because I'd rather be alone. And at the same time, I miss the comfort of being with a woman, the touch of a woman, waking up beside someone. Those who are in relationships, don't take advantage of it. Enjoy and appreciate every second of it. You don't know what you got until it's gone. Sometimes I don't know what I want at all. I've been thinking about getting married and having a wife for so many years now. I know I could make a wonderful girlfriend if I was given a chance. I don't think I'm that bad of a person... |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 8th, 2009|06:31 am] |
My music recently has been dominated by MGMT and Abandoned Pools<33
PRND2L
Tossing and turning beneath these freezing sheets
To the beat of my own thoughts pulsating.
My mind won't stop racing.
Fast forward. Play. Repeat.
Please just stop,
I'm begging you to stop.
A red balloon adrift across the shoreline.
It once belonged somewhere
And was apart of something.
And now it's adrift.
But it can't just stop,
Because the wind carries it on.
One after another, visions of the past return
For their shot of revenge.
To never leave me alone,
And to make absolute sure that I never forget
The memories I never wanted to keep.
I'll think about my thoughts
And think about those thoughts
Over and over again;
Until I go insane with scarring images.
I will drive myself right off this cliff
If my mind doesn't fucking stop. |
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| whatthefuck |
[Mar. 29th, 2009|01:29 am] |
worst. fucking. week. ever. fuck. fuck. fuck.
- mom got laid off, so now im the only fucking person in my house making money. family of 4.
- i almost have no money left in my bank account
- i got a parking ticket. gotta go to court.
- i got another ticket for having 2 people in the car. gotta go to court.
- vickie stopped talking to me and now im lonely.
- i got suspended from school. and then got grounded. but then my little brother got suspended and didnt get fucking grounded.
and thats just the jist of it. theres alot fucking more, but its inappropriate to post on the internet. i just really wish i had someone to talk too. i mean i have felicia.. we had a talk tonight and i told her everything thats been bothering me, but theres still so much more i wanted to tell her but really couldnt. and besides her, i really dont have any one else. jordan is also my other best friend, but its really hard for me to open up too. sooo my life just really fucking sucks right now. i used to know someone who would listen.. but they dont care anymore :( |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 26th, 2009|11:23 am] |
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My life is fucking great. Not. I hate everythinggg, holy fucking shit. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 24th, 2009|11:01 pm] |
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I just watched this lesbian movie called High Art. It made me really hungry for some drugs, and some lovinnn ;] hahaha |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 14th, 2009|11:15 am] |
My tax return money came back a few weeks ago and i bought myself a classical guitar :]<3 Ibanez to be exact hahah. I really love it so much. Nylon strings just blow steel strings out of the water. The sound is just so much more pure and beautiful. I mainly just play sheet music out of a few books, and then I taught myself "Jesus" by Brand New, "Emily" by From First to Last, "Mockingbird" and "Lullaby" by Chase Coy, andd "Lovebug" by the Jonas Brothers loll. And there will definately be more to come.
The new Number 12 Looks Like You album is fucking AMAZING<3333 It just may be the best so far.. actually.. nahh. Nuclear.Sad.Nuclear then Put On Your Rosey Red Glasses thenn Worse Then Alone then Mongrel. That's the order I'd put them in from best to worst. But Worse Then Alone has suchhh a different sound compared to their usually stuff.
Oh and Punk Goes Pop 2 is absolutely fucking great hahahah. ADTR's cover of Over My Head by the Fray is just so damn catchy.
The L Word is over :(((( The season finale of season 6 came on like last week and I'm really mad because it was such a fucking cliff hanger. But you learn alott about each character in that last season. Holy shit. That show always knows how to touch me<3
I've been working on my novel..sort of. I mean, I've finished the whole thing before, and then I went back to edit it.. and wound up erasing almost the entiree thing because, well, that's writing lol. Writing is re-writing, and nothing you ever first pour out onto paper will be golden. Although, that would be pretty damn convenient.
I think wayyyyyyyyyy too fucking much for being only 17 damn years old..
I love my car.
I love my friends.
I guess..I love my..job... -_-
I hate my family.
I hate my friends.
I hate my job.
I hate every stranger that ever walks past me.
I'm seeing someone new, her name is Vickie and she's great<3 |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 25th, 2009|07:38 am] |
It appears I have not written to you in quite some time. I apologize. Nothing's changed too much. I still feel at my all time lowest each and every day. I still work way too much. I'm still searching for something, someone real. Everyone I come across in my life will lead me on into thinking they're something real, but then prove me wrong.
But, I have been talking to someone new lately. We haven't been talking for too long, it's been a few days, but already, she's dominated my thoughts. No matter what I am doing, I just think about her, and wish I was doing whatever I'm doing with her. I don't stop thinking about her, and all I want to do all day long is either talk to her or be with her. Our personalities are so unbelievably alike. We have sooo much in common, I've never met anyone else who was so close to being exactly like me. I can feel emotions towards her but I'm scared to try and get too close, because what if she just leaves? Like everyone else. Everyone will always leave. They always build me up into thinking, "this is it," and then tear me down. I hope she will be different from everyone else, but I know better then to get my hopes up. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 17th, 2009|02:38 pm] |
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I say this all the fucking time because I want it so much.. But I really wish things would go back to the way they used to be. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 7th, 2009|07:25 pm] |
For my english class, we were asked to write a poem using the device 'personification.' We were given objects to choose from and write about. Mine is a mirror in a woman's bedroom. And I thought what I wrote was actually pretty good, so I'm going to post it here.
As every day moves on, I will not.
I have known the same habitat all my life
I am a stranger to the world behind that door
You would think that I get lonely from
Time to time, but you are mistaken.
A woman, the same woman everyday, spends a lot
Of her life with me
Every morning before she disappears
She comes closer and stares through me
I can hear her question her appearence
She will continue staring at me, and begin to cry
Did I do something wrong?
I wish I can comfort her, but I can't move
I do not know much about this world
But I do know she is the most picturesque person in it.
Over the course of the last few weeks
She will come back to me
And I have noticed she looks unhealthy
And she most certainly lost weight
And she doesn't cry to me anymore.
I'm cheerful to see her smile
But upset at the same time
I can't help but think she's in trouble
I miss her in the body she used to wear
I do not know who she is anymore
I always tried my best to show her how beautiful
She really was
I long to simply whisper these words to her
Every night she will come back to me
And she strips from her clothes
To get ready for bed
I can see her bones trying to reject from her flesh
I scream as loudly as I can
But no one will hear me
A piece of me just cracked
She turns out the lights
And I watch her silhouette crawl into bed
And I will just sit here quietly
Alone and broken. |
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| Writer's Block: Prepared Answer |
[Jan. 6th, 2009|06:37 am] |
I have always wanted some one to just ask me to tell them about my past and how it was like for me growin up.
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